Last year starting about late August, things got really rough and I ended up in deep waters only knowing how to tread water. Then came a storm, turbulent and uncertain for sure, finding my way back to shallow water has been the theme of this year. I made a promise to myself that I would live for now, (kind of like when you were a kid) and not worry to much about the future. Not saying I am not thinking about it at all would be false, but I can't control what may come, because after the year I have had, where one setback lead to 3 more. You're blinded by those moments you didn't anticipate and your whole look out becomes a bit derailed. I think life wanted to teach me something for sure. I learned to laugh at my misfortune and not let it get the best of me, because really I don't have it bad considering most of the world. Life is pretty ok. I wake up workout, eat, look for jobs, run some errands if needed be, and read. Rough life, right?
Well, the part that gets to me the most is, not knowing my main drive for a career is. It truly bugs me! I know I have a lot of hard work to do, but where to do I direct this energy to? A few of my friends have found luck in video games and enjoy their jobs. I want to feel like I am not really working, but enjoying what I am doing for a living. So I have a few ideas.... First off, I love audio visual. Ever since the first play I helped produce and manage, to making the sound coming out of the speakers sound like real care was put into it, I have loved working in that industry. I never felt bored, never had to sit in front a computer for hours and hours on end, and when it ran late, I never batted an eye. It showed in my passion for sure. Then after high school, I went to college for a brief moment and ended up failing my first semester. A lot of it had to do with just being a kid who wasn't focused and a teacher who didn't seem to think females could really hack it. I pulled away for a little bit got caught up in the flow of life and ended up with odd and end type jobs. Finally went back to school, ran out of college help and ended up getting my certificate in Television and video editing, with working experience in radio. One thing is certain, working for television wasn't going to be my thing, at least not news. That's where that stopped and then I introduced radio as an option. I only thought I could do radio because I was almost sure I would probably live in the Springs for a very long time. I did a few internships. One of them went sour and the other ended abruptly. Then I got to thinking, perhaps I am not made for radio.
I did have a long time gig as a Disc Jockey at a local night club. It didn't make enough money for me to live on by all means, but I did have fun and it didn't feel like much of a job at all. Some where around this point is when I got a job in a photography studio and learned a lot about family portraits. With some encouragement from my friends, I ended up practicing photography beyond a small studio. The passion grew and I always just considered it a hobby, but it then grew into a few side gigs here and there, and it helped me land a job with a huge online travel company, editing photos. I moved from Springs, and lost my contacts. It's really hard to try to reestablish yourself in a new city. I ended up with a crummy job and enough frustration that I went back to school, but this time for reals. I looked for placed close by, not that expensive, and was close enough to audio visual, photography, radio television as possible. The place I ended up going to only just taught me how to use the programs. There was a few rare classes that really made me dig deep down and find more about myself. I ended up with an Associates of Science in Web and Video Production.
Another thing I know for sure, I do not like coding. Not a big fan of building websites.
I have tried since college to land jobs in photo related fields, video related fields, and graphic design. One thing I seem to keep asking myself, "Am I really a graphic designer?". The answer to that question is, No. Not really. I do like to help people fix graphics and prepair them for web or print, but creating this vision from scratch... Some days I got it, most other days not so much.
Now with unemployment funds almost not cutting it anymore and depleting, I find myself asking myself more and more... where do I fit in and belong? Should I go back to square one? What type of job can I create for myself?
I just turned 30 this last week and I can say, 30 feels fine! Way better then 29 for sure. I am feeling a turning point for sure, not just because of the age, but I feel I am getting closer to what I need to be doing.
This year one particular animal has been showing up a lot in the last few weeks and that is an octopus. Perhaps a sign, a guide, connection... whatever the case maybe, it's worth noting to me.
Hopefully after this trip to Wisconsin, since the place I will be staying doesn't have much going on in the town, maybe it will help clear and calm my waters. With any luck, I can get back to shore, find a boat and set sail. (Had to finish the analogy)
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